Connections

I grew up in a house with four brothers. We were all involved in sports and other activities throughout the school year and summer. What was business as usual around our house? I can only think of one word: containment.

My family had to negotiate daily meals, transportation, bathroom time, homework, sharing of clothes, family obligations, and bedtime. In church, we were that family that took up the entire pew. I think that is why we were altar boys—so our parents could referee fewer of us in the pew. Parents of children of any age learn to deal with noise, mess, and chaos.

Renewing the Vision reminds us that parishes “need to become youth-friendly communities in which youth have a conspicuous presence in parish life. They are communities that value young people—welcoming them into their midst, listening to them, responding to their needs, supporting them with prayer, time, facilities and money. These are parish communities that see young people as resources.” (RTV 13). There are many reasons that parishes want quality programming for youth. These include:

• A genuine concern for youth
• To get kids to go to Mass
• To stop the Protestant/nondenominational church down the street from snatching up the kids

Some parishes will never have a youth program simply because it has always been that way. Others believe that if they have a young youth minister, the problem is solved. But let us be real. Does sustainable youth ministry really happen because of any of this? Simply wanting something for youth does not mean that it is going to happen. Everyone agrees that quality youth ministry programs are what parishes need. No parish would actively exclude youth.

However, we sometimes support youth by words alone. We can do so much more. Just like parents have youth-friendly homes, we must foster youth-friendly parishes.

What is a youth-friendly parish? What does it look like? I think you will find that it is strikingly similar to a youth-friendly home. A youth-friendly parish is a parish that:

• knows young people instead of simply tolerating their existence
• includes youth in parish programs instead of only asking them to clean up afterwards
• provides quality activities that speak to their hearts as well as their minds instead of just entertaining and occupying them.
• has crayon marks on the back of its pews
• has quality adults speaking up for youth and sharing faith experiences with youth instead of adults supervising them to make sure they behave correctly and do not break anything
• lets kids experience Stations of the Cross, Adoration, and the Rosary instead of just talking about it
• is disappointed when there are no infant baptisms during Mass this weekend
• views youth’s parents as an asset and not an obstacle
• invites youth’s opinions instead of telling them why they should not act or think a certain way
• does not dread confirmation
• celebrates youth’s accomplishments in front of the whole parish community instead of just a blurb on Page 6 of the bulletin
• has squirrelly toddlers running away from their parents during Mass
• enables youth to experience quality evangelization, catechesis, and leadership development so they can reciprocate that in their peer groups
• defines reverence as controlled chaos
• takes into consideration youth in every financial and pastoral decision

Like a home, a youth-friendly parish is a place where the basic needs, concerns, and wants of youth are embedded into the psyche of the adults.

Now I have three small, noisy, messy children of my own. My wife is the boss of the house (I am fine with that). However, truth be told, our lovable and adorable kids think and act like they own the place.

Hah! Can you imagine that? Kids thinking and acting like they own the place . . .